1. Wake up, leaving enough time for eyes to de-puff from sleep.
  2. Drink coffee.
  3. Shower.
  4. Put make up on. Perhaps a little more than necessary for a work day, but hey, you’re getting your picture taken! Wanna be purty.
  5. Make sure eyes look extra sparkly.
  6. Blow dry hair (BIG DEAL, am always too lazy for this).
  7. Double check where you’re going on Google.
  8. Make sure you have application and birth certificate.
  9. Spill coffee on pants.
  10. Shit.
  11. Change entire outfit, but make sure that your make up still matches (used special green eyeliner).
  12. Grab keys, purse, and tennis clothes for after work.
  13. Lock apartment and go down to car.
  14. Go back up to apartment and get birth certificate.
  15. Drive confidently to Post Office location.
  16. Get lost.
  17. Call assistant frantically asking for directions to a place you don’t have the address of.
  18. Feel like moron.
  19. Check face in car mirror. Make up not as dewy as originally was cause is mother f’ing hot outside.
  20. Reapply lip gloss, good enough.
  21. Get to post office.
  22. Wait in line.
  23. Hand over forms and birth certificate.
  24. Get instructions on how to drive across the city to get the PROPER birth certificate, because apparently you’re inferior in birth and do not have proper documentation.
  25. Ask woman behind desk where this place is. She’s already on phone.
  26. Double shit.
  27. Call assistant again, proudly explain that you actually HAVE an address for her to look up this time.
  28. Get stuck behind gravel truck and next grandpa driver leaving you no chance of passing him.
  29. Miss exit.
  30. Turn around, realize desired off ramp is closed when going North.
  31. FUCK
  32. Get to the goddamn building to request the fucking right birth certificate.
  33. Pay 17 bucks.
  34. Almost get run-over in parking lot by jackass too busy smoking and talking on cell phone to notice you walking.
  35. Throw your almost empty coffee cup from Starbucks at car.
  36. Miss pathetically.
  37. Take your Proper Goddamn Certificate back to the fucking post office to get your fucking passport.
  38. Don’t bother checking to see if you have something stuck in your teeth cause OH MY GOD ENOUGH ALREADY
  39. Fork over another 117 fucking dollars cause, hey, it’s just money and it’s not like I’m trying to make ends meet.
  40. Go to work.
  41. Realize that you just paid 134 bucks for a passport for a trip that you’d rather eat glass than go on.

Filed under: Life, Travel, family