And other exciting stories from WonderSpot’s not so Wonder(ful)Life.

1. My knee hurts. JS and I took Tonks to the beach last weekend for the first time (why it’s the first time since he we live at the beach I don’t know, probably because we’re lazy and want our dog to suffer because of it), and I tripped over something like a shell or the air or my ego. I didn’t think much of it at the time, except to get UP QUICKLY BECAUSE THE DOG IS GOING TO LICK MY BRAINS OUT THROUGH MY NOSE IF I DON’T. But now? My knee hurts. A lot. And clearly affects my ability to type.
2. Tonks peed on the couch. Again. JS’s leather couch. And I hated her for a few hours and seriously wondered why I got a dog in the goddamn first place and would it be wrong to just let her into the wild. And then I felt guilty about hating her.
3. I am overwhelmed with work and writing my thesis. I have so many projects going on at work, and they’re exciting and I’m getting to be all producer-y and creative, but still, it’s a lot. And I have to have about 100 pages worth of stories to turn in in a few weeks for my first thesis draft and I have about 10. OK, 7, but when I make it double spaced I’m sure it’ll be longer. I’m thinking about finding a copy of The Sun Also Rises and making my own cover and calling it, I dunno, Sometimes The Sun Comes Up, Too, and just scratching out Hemingway’s name and putting my own on it.
4. American Idol. This should really count as two reasons, since it takes up so much time. 3 nights a week of Ryan and Simon pretending not to be lovers and of Paula pretending to be coherent? That’s a lot of time.
5. I have a new MacBook which RAWKS, but it’s taking me a lot of time to think about transferring my old laptop to this one. And yes, I said “think about” because so far I’ve been a big fat nothing.
6. Am lazy. See #5 for clarification.
7. More drama with The Move In And How My Parents Are Not Handling It Well. They’ve said and written a lot of things that hurt a lot. Hurt both me and JS. It’s personal and I don’t want to get into it too much more than I already have, but it takes a lot of emotional energy to deal with. Tonight I spontaneously started crying over dinner, and we were having pasta which is one of my favorites. The silver lining is that I’m not doubting myself or my opinion, and I have a lot of support from friends, pets, and strangers on the InterWebs. (I heart you guys and I’d totally share my wine with you if you came over for a visit. Just don’t talk while LOST is on.) In a way it’s like a grieving process, because I know that my relationship with them will never be the same, and I always treasured my close relationship with them - our secret jokes and the way we always fought over who we loved on American Idol. (Seriously, Blake, call me!)
8. My dear friend, The Super Secret KGB Assistant, is moving far, far away and I’m going to miss her so much. Tomorrow is her last day at work and Sunday is her last day in the state and I don’t want to think about it because it makes my heart swell up in my throat.
9. I have Writer’s Block…not only in regards to my thesis, but also to my blog. Everything going on I’ve already written about, and I don’t want to be That Person who beats a subject to death and makes people hate reading me.
10. I’m OCD and had to have a list that was 10 items long but I can’t really think of any other lame-ass excuses.

Technorati Tags: Blogging, Life, Moving In, Relationships, Tonks, Writing, American Idol

JS once tried to explain the measurements of dope to me, from his wild, hippy, heydays in the 60’s….that he only heard rumors about. From the choir loft.

Pointing to my outstretched index finger: “That’s a nickel.”

Pointing to my index and middle finger: “That’s a dime.”

Me, adding my ring finger to the mix: “So what’s this? A Sacagawea dollar?”

Needless to say, I was wrong.

Technorati Tags: Life, Daily, Humor

So a friend sent me a link to this article  in The Holy Observer: God’s #1 Source For Christian News. Here’s the intro to the article:

“It’s a commonly heard complaint in Christian circles. You’ve breezed through protesting all 870 pages of the fifth Harry Potter novel, and the sixth installment is not due for at least another 18 months. What books and book series should you protest to tide you over until HP6 hits the shelves? We at The Holy Observer have compiled the following list to help fill the void left in the wake of Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix.”

This is funniest website I have ever seen. Ever.

There’s an ad on the front page, found here, for the Tongues-English Dictionary: Pentecost Edition.

Please visit the site and give them lots of money. God wants you to.

Technorati Tags: Links, Humor, Religion

Seriously.

So, y’all know Dooce, right? She’s pretty famous on the InterWebs, cause she’s funny and has cute dogs. Probably also for other reasons related to good writing, but I’m sticking with the dogs.

So a few days ago she wrote a post about poopy puppy paw prints on her carpet, and how she was almost killed by the stench. I understand this.

This afternoon at work I start to notice a certain unpleasant aroma around my work space. I am concerned because 1, I have been known for forgetting to bathe and 2, am frequently gassy. So I sniff around, and there aren’t any old coffee cups with fungal gardens growing in them, or banana peels just lying casually about. I sniff myself. Not too bad, actually. A combo of Philosophy’s Amazing Grace and Vera Wang Princess. I smell all nice and girly. Perhaps vaguely of gum and coffee, but I’m certainly not shitty smelling.

I continue my search, sniffing all the nearby offices, but I can’t find anything. I notice that the smell is worse when I’m sitting down. JUH?!?!

Then I look at my shoes. My right shoe has about 2 inches of tightly packed dog shit caked to the sole. LOVELY.

Oh that this were the first time this has happened to me.

A few weeks ago I was watching something on the TiVo when I had the same thing happen. Something smelled poopy. I walked the 9 steps it takes to cross my apartment, but found no unwanted messes from Tonks (who, I might add, was watching me sniff the ground with MUCH amusement). Maybe she’d just farted? It happens.

But the smell WON’T GO AWAY. It’s everywhere. I turn on all the lights and realize there are some slight brown stains on the carpet. On the floor in the kitchen. And they’re coming from MY. FEET. I had managed to step in it, literally, the last time I had taken the dog out and then proceeded to track it all over my carpet.

Don’t think I was mature enough to NOT blame the dog, either. I’m sure she steered me into the poop on purpose, just to see if I would notice.

Technorati Tags: Dog, Tonks, I’m a spaz