1. Call parents because, apparently, writing isn’t enough of a punishment.
  2. Dad answers. Mom’s at a Bible Study/Book Burning/Whatever
  3. Proceed to argue with Dad about every point he brings up about your lifestyle being a sin. Highlights include, but are not limited to:
    1. Unconditional love comes with conditions of agreeing with each other’s opinions: discuss
    2. The Prodigal Son was only welcomed home when he confessed his evil life; the father was not happy to see him until this happened.
    3. At the well, Jesus told the sinful, adultering woman to “go, then, and sin no more.” The end. He did not go, then, and eat with sinners because, lo, he is too pure to eat with sinners (also, are not dating a married man, fail to reiterate the definition of “adultery” to your father)
    4. Grace based faith also has punishment for the sinful. Discuss.
    5. Only listening to people who respect you as a human being is stupid. What does your Aunt think? Wait, you mean you only listen to people you LIKE?
      1. also, now am fucked because you KNOW this will get back to Aunt and it’ll be all “what did you say about me” even though I tried SO HARD not to say anything at all, but hello, it’s hard to respect someone’s opinion when the last thing they said, honestly, to you was “I hate you and your whole family, except your older brother because he is mentally ill and therefore stronger than anyone I know, even though you, too, have been mentally ill”
    6. Realize everything you’ve ever said, ever, is now being played back for all members of your family to hear, including that time you said Great Aunt Jane was a slut because she had a lover while shew as married and OH MY GOD SHE DIED LAST YEAR YOU HORRID PERSON, YOU even though you never once said the word “slut” or “Aunt Jane.”
    7. Your mother and I love you and always will, but we can’t have a relationship with you if you take this path: discuss
    8. Labeling you is not a judgement, but you are sinning and making God sad: discuss
    9. Co-habitating with someone before marriage is a sin, but no, I do not want you to go get married to JS; that, too, would be a sin.
    10. You are not who you said you were even though you told us you were a liberal/democrat years ago, it’s not the same thing as living a liberal life
    11. The friends and council you have are wrong because they are not pastors and therefore are not at liberty to have opinions on God or His Will
      1. But we are. You are sinning. We asked the pastor.
    12. You say you’re the one calling and trying to keep the relationship open, but we’re NOT calling because of the same reason. We’re seeking Wise Council Who Agree With Us About Your Sinful Lifestyle and haven’t been able to call until we know how everyone else feels
    13. Your happiness is all that matters to us, but just because you’re happy doesn’t mean we are: discuss (you are a sinner)
    14. “The Road to Hell is Paved with Good Intentions”
      1. me: “yeah, I think I heard that when George W Bush was re-elected.”
      2. Dad: “…. are you making fun of my politics?”
      3. me: “No, I’m just saying I’ve heard it before”
      4. SHIT
    15. It’s not about one sin being greater than the other, it’s about you sinning like you said so yourself (See #3), and therefore I can judge you accordingly
  4. Realize you’re fucked and pour a glass of wine
  5. Close WORD because you know you’re done writing for the night, maybe for life, and light another cigarette. You’ll quit again in the morning.
  6. Consider calling your Aunt and pre-emptively explaining yourself, but realize
    1. It won’t matter in the first place
    2. She STILL doesn’t like you or your family
    3. Fuck, well, you’re too drunk to speak coherently anyway

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