It’s New Years Eve. One year ago tonight I was drugged and raped. Today a shitload of my family (50?60? A gazillion?) are boarding a Royal Caribbean Cruise ship for a reunion. Tonight there is a party. I do NOT want to spend this night surrounded by drunk people. Maybe I’ll go hide out in Toddler Land, where they may be incoherent, but not due to booze.

Mostly, I love my family. I wish I could see my parents and brothers more often. My grandparents are wonderful. Some of the others, though? The cousins, aunts, etc…, are a different story. They get under my skin faster than I can blink. They have this creepy ability to play mind games where you think they’re being nice, and then an hour later you feel like shit about yourself. Some of them reduce me to gulping sobs on a regular basis.

Needless to say, the cruise will be interesting. I’m coming prepared. I have my iPod, still camera, video camera, journal, and 2 books. It’s a 4 day cruise, so that should be plenty. If not, I’ll just jump and swim for shore.

Other than dread, this morning I’m feeling the obligatory reflectiveness on the past year, and what I’d like to happen in the next. I’m not going to do traditional resolutions. I never keep them. And the one time I did, it was to not excercize and get fat. So there ya go. I want to be more creative. I want to be kinder. I want to be more green. I want to be more globally aware. I want to fit into my old jeans. I want to be healthier. 

Not exactly resolutions, more like concepts I want to keep in mind as I move forward in life. This past year I am proud of what I’ve done and who I’ve been. I guess that, mostly, I want to keep on that path of improvement and to not let my bad moments get me down as much. I can still be snotty and petulant. I can still take sarcasm just a leetle too far. Sometimes I surf the net too much at work. But I’m aware of these things, so hopefully that’s a good first step to getting better at them.

Happy New Years, everyone.

Technorati Tags: Life, Rape, Recovery, New Years, Family

Tags: 21, 80, 88

How was everyone’s Christmas?

This was an odd year. I have a family reunion coming up, with about 50-70 of us on my Mom’s side going on a cruise from L.A. to Baja California and then back (not so much for this post, but seriously? Like I want to spend the 1 year anniversary of my most recent HELL stuck on a boat with lots of drunks?). So, my folks are coming out to see me on Friday and we’ll do a small Christmas morning on Saturday. I hope they like my gifts!

So this was my first year as a “grown up” having Christmas on my own, so to speak. It was nice, but weird. JS and I went to one of my family’s parties on Christmas Eve, and then spent a nice, quiet Christmas morning together at my place (with Tonks, of course). I don’t have any photos, but I’m soon to have video. Yes, you read correctly. Video. Because JS got me a mini DV camcorder!!! I’m so psyched. So psyched, in fact, that I’m reduced to using 90’s catch phrases. Tonks is soon to become an Internet star, and she’ll support JS and I in the lifestyle to which we will soon become accustomed.

Speaking of Tonks, she’s losing teeth like a mo-fo. I mean, seriously, I know that puppies grow incredibly fast. But this? Is getting ridiculous. I threw a fleece ball for her, and she brought it back to me, complete with a fresh tooth just lying on top. Then later, I found another under the coffee table! I think overall, it’s been about 4 teeth today alone. But, with that, she’s doing much better with the biting (of flesh, that is, not so much of my pants when I’m walking around the apartment).

For my birthday a few weeks ago, JS got me the Harry Potter box set (books) complete in their own Hogwarts trunk. I just finished re-re-reading (or something) book 7, and I’m constantly amazed at how wonderfully these books are written. JS just got HP and the Order of the Phoenix in HD, and as we watched it the other night, I made yet another connection. Mafalda Hopkirk is the woman that Hermione turns into when she, Ron, and Harry break into the Ministry in book 7, and she’s also the witch who writes the letter to expel Harry for using the Patronous Charm in book 5 (and, if I”m not mistaken, also the same witch who warns Harry about underage magic when Dobby uses the hover charm in book 2). Just another small detail that shows how incredibly detailed Rowling’s writing was. Another thing I took away from watching OoTP again is how great Emma Watson is as Hermione. The books constantly refer to Hermione as being breathless with either excitement, exasperation, or whatever, and Emma Watson manages to be breathless in any scene that Hermione might be emotional.

As soon as I figure out how to upload my cool new VIDEO, y’all have some fun (read: incredibly dull) movies of Tonks and my dead house plants to watch, so stay tuned!!!

Technorati Tags: Christmas, Dog, Harry Potter, Birthday

Tags: 10, 21, 25, 95

Ha ha ha. No, not mine, don’t worry. Tonks is all I can handle. And then some.

My older brother just got a puppy and he’s so cute. SO. CUTE. Just look at that lil’ face! I only get homesick for Bama every once and a while, but when Mom sends me pictures of family stuff, like all of them playing with a new puppy, then I totally get home sick and wish I were there to play, too. Also cause she’s making apple crisp tonight and that sounds super good.

Tags: 21, 86